A Time of Mourning

It's been too long since I have written. I think that I am struggling to figure out what I'm suppose to say. Today, I have to write. Although I have bad news, it seems the right time to share.

Our beautiful Black Cat passed away about a month ago. I have been mourning on and off since then. He was getting old, not getting around very well, and had stopped going outside for his daily constitutional. He was so reluctant to go outside that we stopped being vigilant about blocking the door at night. One morning he did not show up for breakfast. We found him in the backyard. An animal had got to him, but I'm not positive that the animal caused his death. I saw no sign of pre-death struggle. Perhaps, he went outside to die. Perhaps, he was hit by a car and made it to the backyard before succumbing to his injuries. Or perhaps, an animal did attack him by such surprise that Black Cat had no time to fight. In any case, I hope it was swift and that the numbing effects of shock eased his pain before death.

Of course, I question again and again our earlier decision to let him be an indoor/outdoor cat. When he adopted us he was a feral cat. Once he deigned to come indoors it seemed impossible to keep him in. For him, the quality of life indoors was not to be tolerated. When I am asked by clients whether they should let their cats outdoors I advise them not to do it. However, I know circumstances are different for each person and each cat. I think Black Cat would have preferred the brief horror of his death to the years of being "trapped" indoors.  I may be rationalizing.

I miss you Black Cat.  I miss the head butts and your 'snuggliness.'  Most of all, I miss that I was your preferred human.  It is lovely to be number one in someone's book.  I think of you often and with love.  I will adopt another kitty or two in your honor and give them as good of life as I can.